I am reading the most wondrous of relationship books called Undefended Love. In it, there are many areas where the word ‘money’ could be substituted for the word ‘relationship’ or ‘love’ and lately I find myself considering a particularly powerful aspect of the book ~ something the authors refer to as Exits.

Introducing Financial Vulnerabilities

A financial “vulnerability” arises when we’re attacked or confronted by something that taps into our insecurity, fear, or panic. We all have them AND we all know when one has surfaced and is asking for our attention.

These times are often scary and miserable because, quite honestly, few of us were taught how to manage our emotions around money, let alone how to manage the money itself.

These vulnerabilities can occur when you least expect them and they can occur often; but chances are they do occur regularly in one form or another. An example might be when a bill shows up for an expense you hadn’t remembered, like the car insurance that shows up for me in July of each year. I ‘know’ it’s coming but sometimes I simply forget to plan for it. Or the credit card bill that comes in the mail that you don’t open because you don’t know how to actually PAY for the shoes you bought two weeks ago on a whim…just because you liked them.

Think about the last time you were feeling vulnerable around YOUR financial situation. What caused it? Was it a lack of awareness on your part, a lack of planning, or a simple lack of information or understanding?

I’m referring to the ‘deer in the headlights’ type of situation that’s immediately followed by an emotion (or six…) and then, because we don’t know what to do with the emotion, or situation, we quickly go searching for our nearest exit, so to speak. We want a way out, and the quicker the better.

Financial Exit...Don't Do It!

Exit Stage Left…Financial Exit, that is.

Financial exits can take many forms. Here I tie them to Undefended Love book’s list of exits because financial exits are exactly the same as relationship/love exits.

• You choose to LEAVE the situation PHYSICALLY by walking out, or you get sick, have an accident, clean the house, go out for a walk, etc. Anything NOT to have to handle the situation in the moment.
• You LEAVE EMOTIONALLY by feeling confused, shutting down, getting angry, talking incessantly, experiencing self-doubt or becoming ambivalent to what’s going on in the moment.
• You LEAVE MENTALLY by forgetting about the situation, changing the subject, making mental or physical lists, trying to intellectualize or analyze or rationalize yourself out of the situation and even go blank.
• You DEFEND the situation by lying, becoming indignant or self-righteous, justifying ’til you’re blue in the face, feel criticized and resent the heck out of your life or the situation.
• And more often than anything else, you choose to INDULGE yourself in your addiction of choice. You shop, often making the matter worse, eat, watch TV, use drugs or alcohol, act out sexually (which is a form of seeking approval, that you are OK and acceptable regardless of your financial situation), act compulsively in some manner, work nonstop, gamble, or even engage in fantasy so as not to have to think about the situation.

The Way Out vs The Way In

Unfortunately, the ‘way out’ is not the way to fix or handle the situation. You can only fix the situation by looking for a ‘way in’ and that means (as is usually the case when changing our lives), it’s an inside job. We must be willing to sit with the vulnerability, experience the emotion…regardless of how tumultuous it feels at the time…and ride this wave until the solution unveils itself to us. It always will, IF we’re willing to sit with it long enough.

I like going back to yoga as a metaphor for our personal financial situations. Yoga, again, is the practice of being with what is. Just as many people practice yoga with the intent of getting the perfect body or “mastering the pose”, many use their money to buy status or self-esteem. Problem is, it just doesn’t work in the long run.

The true practice of yoga will help you learn to sit with what is and accept it unconditionally. And this is often the quickest way in.

Being WITH Your Financial Vulnerabilities

It’s not a matter of IF you’ll ever have financial vulnerabilities in your life, it’s a matter of WHEN and HOW OFTEN you have them. The question for most of us is…

“What do I do when I feel this way about my money situation?”

And that’s a great question!

Quick answer…How about you do nothing? How about you sit down and breathe and stop trying to fix the situation by DOING yet another thing. How about trying something new…NOTHING.

As bizarre as it seems, solutions come in our stillness. Answers almost always come to us in quiet and contemplation.

So just for now, I invite you to sit with your next financially vulnerability long enough to neutralize it; long enough to make it NOT a thing. Allow yourself the time to create the space to let the natural solutions manifest themselves.

The room you’re in has all the answers. You just have to stay in there long enough to see them.

Just something to think about!

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